Do you ever feel yourself struggling with fear? I am a believer that we are always operating out of love or fear, and I am no exception to this. I have struggled with fear for the majority of my life. It is something that I have learned not to try to push away, and I have actually started to embrace. When it comes to finding your safe space, it is about understanding your fears so you are able to build in the feeling of safety so you are able to move through the fear instead of letting the fear keep you stuck. Please note this is a continual practice, this is not something you do once and you are “cured.”
There are different types of safety. The two types I am going to chat about are physical safety and emotional safety. Also, note that all the fear I am talking about in this post are nonthreatening fear. They are fears that are perceived in your mind, that will no way actually harm you. A good example of this is sometimes when I am trying to go to sleep I feel afraid. I know I am safe, I am in my apartment, however for some reason, I haven’t fully become comfortable in my apartment, and I let my mind come up with reasons I should feel afraid. This is an example of physical safety. There is also emotional safety. Emotional safety is feeling secure in your emotions and willingness to be vulnerable.
So before you can start finding your safe space, you need to identify the big fears in life that are keeping you stuck. To do this take out a piece of paper and ask yourself “what do I fear in life?” write out everything that comes to mind. Then over the next week, start to notice when those fears are triggered. Maybe keep a journal handy, and write down the situation you were in, time of day, who you were with. Start to identify when your fears are being triggered the most.
Maybe it is when you sit down to write a new blog post for your business. Or maybe it is when you start to go to the gym? Building your awareness is going to help you be able to find safety in your life.
Now it is time to brainstorm all the things in life that make you feel safe. Take out another piece of paper and brainstorm and ask yourself the question “where do I feel the safest in my life?” Think of it in terms of physically and emotionally. I know for me, my bed feels really safe. There is so much comfort in cuddling up in big blankets. I also know that I feel emotionally safe around my sister. I know I can be 100% myself around her.
Now that you have completed both exercises, start to identify your triggers. The key is once you are triggered with fear you have a go-to action to help you feel safe. For me through trial and error, I realized that I feel safe working from this particular coffee shop near my house. So when I get triggered that I am not doing enough or being enough for my business I go to this coffee shop and work from there.
I have tried multiple gyms in my area to find the one I feel the most secure in. I found one where it is super low key, and rarely are their people there. I went from a gym that has tons of people to a more intimate gym where I feel safer trying new workouts.
I know which days of the week are good nights to go out and do things, and which nights (like Mondays) that I really should stay home and go to sleep early!
This is a fun exercise because I start to learn more and more about who I authentically am. I know I like smaller more intimate places because I like to be able to say hello to 1-2 people I know there. I know my energy levels throughout the week, and I am able to start scheduling my time accordingly to it. I know which places are going to be a trigger for me, and I am able to prepare mentally before I go.
Finding your safe space is different than a comfort zone. You are working on ways to soothe yourself so you are able to push yourself out of your comfort zone. You are working on getting to know yourself over and over again. It is about getting curious about your life, and your patterns so you know how to handle what comes your way.
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