HAVING TO LET GO OF THE PERSON I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE
So I was having a session with my intuitive eating coach the other day and we are discussing my perspective on working out and how if I don’t work out a certain way I will never be the ideal version of myself. She looked at me and said, “I think it is time to break up with your ideal version.” I looked back in shock with anxiety raising in my chest! Break up with the ideal version of myself, but I love her! For the longest time, I believed that striving to be her was the motivation I needed in life to change the things I didn’t like about myself. I never realized that she was actually keeping me stuck in negative habits.
Does anyone else have an ideal version of themselves? This woman who wears a certain size, styles her hair a certain way, or drives a certain car? I do and I have been comparing myself to this woman for my whole life. This version of myself always dresses great, her makeup and hair are flawless, she is skinny & toned. She has an amazing boyfriend and all these awesome friends. She has a great social life and a career that she is passionate about, and I compare myself to this woman every single day!
For the longest time, I always looked at it as motivation. You can be this perfect woman just keep pushing yourself, keep trying harder. So when the idea to break up with this version of myself came up I thought all of my motivation would disappear & if I was left to my own devices I couldn’t be trusted. Therefore, I kept bullying myself into being this ideal woman instead of just letting me be who I am. When you compare yourself to perfect you will always be disappointed. Life is messy nothing is perfect and it is not fair to yourself to try to be.
I have hit a point in my journey where I am still desperately holding onto things that I think will get me to my “ideal self.” This can show up in many forms. They are old ways of thinking. They are old clothing. They are old workout routines. They are old thoughts about eating. They are old habits (like watching a bunch of reality tv!) They can even be shopping for things that you think will make you closer to your “ideal self.” I have to accept myself for where I am now before I can change it with love. So I decided to clean out my closet over the weekend. I think it is common for many women to keep a lot of clothing in their closets even though they can’t fit into them anymore. I had so many dresses and skirts that did not fit! I won’t lie this was a painful process! I had a meltdown or two when trying on these clothes! What I realized though is holding onto these clothes was never going to be motivated to lose weight, they were just reminders hanging in my closet that I wasn’t beautiful enough to skinny enough to be loved, which is totally UNTRUE!!!! I now only have clothing that fits my body and I feel amazing in. If I tried on a piece and it wasn’t a hell yeah! then it was a hell no! and went into the donation pile!
I challenge you all to write out your ideal version, this person you are striving to be. Then look at which habits or behaviors you are holding onto that are keeping you stuck instead of helping you move forward. Then write a letter to your ideal self-breaking up with her! Tell her you can’t be with her anymore because the relationship isn’t healthy, and you want to be motivated by love, not control or fear.
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