My senior year of college I was living in NYC with 3 roommates attending the Fashion Institute of Technology. Overall it was an awesome year, but in full honesty, I was homesick. Thankfully I was able to call my mom every day at lunch while walking around Bryant Park (Love You Mom). Living in NYC and attending the Fashion Institute we were always looking at clothing. Online, in stores, fashion was all around us, and oftentimes when shopping I would say “oh I like this” and my roommate would say “yes that is SO YOU”, and every time I would get angry. I didn’t want to be me.

Thankfully my likes were one of the authentic parts about me that were still holding on. At this part of my life, I was already waging war on myself. My confidence was shot, and I was trying to be anyone but myself. Some of the characteristics my younger self wanted in the grown-up me were nowhere in sight. I was in the pain of low self-esteem, and I thought the answer to it all was to become someone else. What I didn’t realize was I could move back to being my authentic self, while still moving forward in change and growth. So how do I rediscover myself?

What Are Your Values

The definition of values is “someone’s standards of behavior; how someone judges what is important in life.” Values can be an operating system of how you want to live your life or even the foundation on which you want to build your life. Understanding your values is a great step in understanding who you are. Values typically don’t change very often. So some of the values I had growing up, I still have today. Values are also important because you can decide what your values are and compare (in a non-critical way!) how your behavior is compared to them. So for me one of my values in life is respect. I then looked at my life and asked myself when it comes to my health am I respecting myself, what about in my relationships, or my future goals. Values can be a great tool to use to understanding who you are. If you have never figured out your values, or what do a refresh I have created a downloadable worksheet for you.

Date Yourself

Another great way to rediscover who you are is to “date” yourself. This is really just getting curious about your life. I would start by asking yourself some questions.

What do you enjoy doing with your time?
What did you enjoy doing with your time growing up?
What makes you happy?
What can you get lost doing for hours and not realize that the time has passed?

A great example is I love escape rooms. (If you haven’t done one get a group and go!) I have only done it twice, but both times it is so exciting! From my love of escape rooms, I realized that I love when hanging out with a fun group of friends or family. It also means I love puzzles or solving things. Knowing these two things about myself I can now think of other things that could be similar like host game nights with my family and friends! Which leads me to the third tip.

Get Outside of Your Comfort Zone

Rediscovering who you are also takes trying new things. Take action in life! What are some things you have always wanted to try? Why have you wanted to try them? What is it going to take for you to try something new? Getting outside of your normal is a great way to show yourself change is possible. Also taking inspired action helps motivate you towards your goals. Rediscovering yourself and self-confidence is all about understanding who you are, accepting it, and believing you have your own back for the things you want to change.

A great passage I read about rediscovery is from the book She’s Still There by Chrystal Evans Hurst. “There is no way I would have believed you if at the time you’d told me what my life would be like just a few years later. … It creeps up. Change happens gradually. We don’t see it coming. One day we simply look up and are surprised that we no longer recognize the person we’ve become or the life we are living.” Acknowledge where you are and start to move closer to the person you have always wanted to become.

XO,

Ellie Curry