THE COMPARISON GAME
Oh, when we compare ourselves to other people! I am rolling my eyes at just the thought of how jealous I can get when I compare myself/my life to other people’s. But have you ever stopped and really took a look at what you are comparing yourself to? Most of the time when we are comparing ourselves we are doing it to a snapshot or an assumption about other people’s lives.
What do I mean by this? Think about a time when you were comparing yourself to someone. Was it for 30 seconds at the gym as someone walked by, a picture or video on Facebook/Instagram, someone’s outfit as you walk down the street? These brief moments of someone else’s life don’t makeup 100% of their lives, yet we tend to think that they do and we compare our whole life to their moments.
Here is one of my favorite examples and I catch myself doing this all the time. I will go to the gym and instead of being super proud of myself for actually going to the gym I start to compare myself to the other women there. I will notice that someone looks super cute and they are “in shape” and I will all of a sudden make up a whole entire life for them. Do you do this? I take one moment of their lives and suddenly that girl over there must have an amazing husband and they never fight and they have 3 super cute kids. She has a career that empowers her and she is passionate about and don’t even get me started about her great group of friends and her style (even though I have only seen her in workout clothes!) All of a sudden I am comparing myself to my imaginary friend Susan over there all based off of her walking by me at the gym! No wonder I am losing the comparison game! I am comparing myself to made up perfection!
Whoever said “stop comparing yourself to everyone else’s highlight reel” was a genius!
We need to be treating ourselves with more compassion. I also think it is important to realize what your top triggers are for comparing & give yourself some tools to help you stop the comparison. One of the best ways to do this is in your head thank the person you are comparing yourself to for showing you something that you want in your own life, and then figure out a way to achieve it. Most of the time when we are comparing ourselves it is for something we wish we had for ourselves.
Here are my top triggers for comparison.
- My body: I tend to always compare myself to these women who have completely different body types than me. I would be like “why don’t I look like that?” “she is so pretty” and then I would proceed to not be nice to myself. One day I was at the gym and I started this comparison routine when I realized wait I am comparing myself to someone I will never look like. Physically we will never look the same! I need to stop comparing apples to oranges. Now when I catch myself comparing my body I remind myself of this.
- Instagram/Facebook: Ohhhhh how easy it is to compare on these sites. Recently I had myself spinning over how many followers I had! Comparing myself to other bloggers on Instagram and comparing myself to people who have been blogging for years! This is when I needed to remind myself why I am blogging and refocus and realize life isn’t about these numbers. The reason I am blogging is to help women with their confidence by sharing my own experiences.
- My relationships: I am single and when out I used to get so jealous when I saw a cute couple walking together and holding hands. Now I thank them for showing me the love I want in my own partnership. This can also be true for groups of friends. If you wish you had more friends and you see a group of girls all hanging out that can create jealousy. You can have that great group of friends also you just have to get outside of your comfort zone to find them.
I challenge you to figure out your triggers and once you have those figured out find some creative ways to help you bring yourself compassion when you start to compare yourself to other people. Write in the comments some of your triggers I would love to hear from you!